Thursday, December 31, 2009

It's time

I'm ready.  Ready to shake the dust of this year off my heels.  Ready to maybe hopefully definitely make some changes.  I've never really been one to do the whole "New Year's Resolution" thing.  At least not seriously. And that's not what I'm doing now.  But I feel a bit like I'm standing on the edge.  The edge of a line where I look behind me and see...well, mostly good things.  There are a lot of bumps - some were unavoidable, most were human error - I know those will still happen, I'm not naiive.  I also know however, that some things truly need to change if we want to be better.  I was going to write "happier" there - but that's not the right word.  We are mostly happy now. 

When I look forward from the edge on which I stand I see...possibility.  I also see an uphill battle.  It won't be easy to change.  It never is.  But I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I have to do something.  In six months I will be 39.  I've always known it would be a momentous year in my life.  It was the last year of life for my Mom.  She never made it to her fortieth birthday.  It's something of a talisman to me.  As I've gotten closer and closer to that mark I've begun to realize that if I want things to be better I need to make them better.  No one is going to come along and hand me a sack of dreams fulfilled.

Will I fail and fall down and (as Vodka Mom is wont to say) f*ck up every day?  Of course.  No question about that, really.  But I want better.  I'm ready for better.  I'm ready to open my eyes, take a deep breath, and step from the edge.

13 comments:

carissajaded said...

Beautiful post! And I'm sure this will be a wonderful year for change for you. I wish you the best of luck for you and yours!!

for a different kind of girl said...

I've got some changes that need to be made in the new year, too, and for a change, I have to not let them intimidate me once we're only a few days in. I wish you all the luck in the world as you approach yours. Happy New Year!

lisa said...

I say leap off the edge instead of step. From experience, I can say that on your 40's you have the priviledge of being exactly who you want to be.

Captain Dumbass said...

If you didn't f*ck up, you wouldn't learn anything. Enjoy 39, f*ck up and then fix it. Move on.

minivan soapbox said...

It's people that KNOW that they have to work towards their own happiness - and don't just get it handed it to them - that get it, and hold onto it. Good luck, we'll be here when you fall to help brush you off - and push your ass back up.

Carolyn...Online said...

Jump. You know you'll have plenty of people to catch you.

(That made me sad about your mom and 39...)

Laggin said...

Here's the thing about 40, it's freeing. You can be hot, but in your own, older-sexy-self-confident way. The kids aren't so needy. You figure out who you are other than a mom again. You can find girlfriends again. Near as I can tell--other than the damn metabolism--the worst thing is staring at 50.

The Queen said...

Your 40s are the best time in your life. Life it for both you and your Mom.. show her a good time..

REmember you can make no mistake that a loving Mother wouldn't forgive. Mistakes are just things that make life easier down the road.

Mistakes are just experience you can pass on to others..

live, love , laugh and leap!!

Christy said...

I'm sure you can do whatever you set out to do. A beautifully written post, and I wish you the Happiest New Year ever!!

Zip n Tizzy said...

Hey You... Happy New Year!

So glad to have gotten to spend 2009 with you, (virtually) and looking forward to 2010.

It takes a lot to truly examine ourselves and be willing to work to make our lives what we want them to be. But, what's the alternative really? Cheers Lady - You're doing great!

Miss Yvonne said...

Well crap. I've been waiting for my dream sack to show up and now I know I have to make it myself?? I guess I have to get like, goals or something then?

miko564 said...

I like the line about already being "mostly happy". Good for you. As for better...hmm, by whose definition?

Anonymous said...

I just discovered the website who discuss about
many
home business opportunity

If you want to know more here it is
home based business
www.home-businessreviews.com