Friday, September 18, 2009

On the Inside

I never saw the movie, "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", but I find the concept intriguing.  Erasing part of your mind. 

Let's take a journey inside my head.  Hmmm.  This lovely desk holds my education - much of it learned outside of any "hallowed halls of higher learning".   You'll notice the English drawer is a pretty big one - at least compared to the Mathematics folder tucked into the back corner over there.  There's some Science in there, but I'm pretty sure History has been reduced to a few crumpled pages.

These pretty boxes house the memories of my youth.  Some that are wonderful - some not so great.  But all a part of who I am today.  A lot of them have become faded pictures as the years have gone by.  I wish I could remember more.

That giant armoire in the corner is full of totally useless stuff about celebrities and a LOT of song lyrics from the 80's and 90's.  That's a fun place to hang out now and again.

There's a whole room over there dedicated to parenting.  The memories of the kids as babies, seems so long ago!  The funny thing's that they have said - although it's really best for me to write those down as we can already see the memory room gets hazier and hazier with everything I'm trying to cram in there.  So yeah, parenting stuff. School schedules, phone numbers for playdates, that nagging feeling that I've forgotten to do something for someone.

Oh, that's the work wing over there.  Best to stay away from that whole area right now.

What's that?  Well, I try not to go out into that lake too often.  Unfortunately, things have a way of escaping from the depths.  Those are the memories of the past that I should let go of.  The things I can't change now, so really whats the point of dredging them back up again?  Except I can't seem to stop myself.  Replaying and replaying.  Thinking of all the best things to say and do, in hindsight of course.  This is the place I'd erase if I had the power.  Although I wouldn't want to lose the lessons, so not sure how that would work.  Since it's usually the stupid stuff you really learn from, and hell - I already obsess too much about this shit - I don't want to have to go through it again.

Guess I'll have to learn to live with it.  Hopefully I can at least try harder to focus on the present and the future, which I have some control over, as opposed to the past.  Still, I think I'll go hang out in my comfy chair by the big armoire.  I'm feeling the need for some mindless gossip and Duran Duran.

14 comments:

minivan soapbox said...

Interestingly I would probably be better if I focused more on the past and present than the future...I tend to have heart palpitations when I focus on the future. Like...Seriously Seeking Medications Heart Palpitations.

msprimadonna67 said...

It's a little scary how you read my mind. Really, are there any hints of 'separated at birth' in your family's past?

Zip n Tizzy said...

Highly recommend the movie!!!

Oh and that little thing we've been talking about, starts with a Y ends with an A, highly effective at clearing the mind!

Thought goes in, thought goes out ;)

Captain Dumbass said...

Remember the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the forklift is carrying the crated up Ark into the giant warehouse? That's how I picture my mind. Or like Mission Control in Houston which is a little cooler.

Susan said...

Loved that movie!

MsPicketToYou said...

you are more in control than you know.

grab the camera away from the director and make this
movie your own...

xxoxooxxooxoo

for a different kind of girl said...

I have been spending way too much time polishing up the action of the past. Some of it should be legitiamtely shiny and at the forefront, but it's amazing how some of it can tarnish again as soon as you think you've got it glowing. I need to go set dress some of the present stuff.

(but do know that I know an insane amount of mindless things about Duran Duran!)

anymommy said...

I love this imagery and I laughed at the armoire with useless facts and the smoky room of parenting stuff. Me too.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I have a Duran Duran wing.

The Queen said...

If it's the stupid stuff you learn from.. I should be able to operate on brains any time now...

bernthis said...

there are a couple of boxes in my cabinet that i refuse to open.

also, I'm always reliving the past, wishing I'd said something better, smarter, etc. It's hard to let go

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

Onwards and upwards! Oh and Duran Duran!

Carolyn...Online said...

Dude you have a lake? I have a whole ocean. Just let it all go.

Octopunk said...

I really recommend you see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, because it might make you feel better about the lake. After Jim Carrey hires the people for the selective erasure, you see the experience from his point of view and it's horrible. His memories of his ex are being erased in reverse order, even the good stuff he suddenly realizes he really wants to hold on to. Value your baggage.