Friday, September 11, 2009

I got yelled at by an old man from Florida

(Which was not my Dad.  Ooooo, SNAP!)  Sorry, Dad - couldn't resist.

And the point was...?  Oh yeah.  So I'm coming home from work the other day and I am at a point in the road where two lanes go down to one.  You know, a merge.  I think most people know that the general "rules of a merge" work out to be that every other car kind of works it's way in until you're all in one happy line.  Well. The guy to the right of me was apparently not familiar with, or just didn't care about, said rules.  He is practically in the back seat of the car ahead of him he is so tight to their bumper.  So when I realize he is not going to let me in, I turn and look out my window to kind of give the, "What the heck?" glance.  My window was halfway down and his was all the way down and he proceeded to yell, "Learn how to drive!"  (He may or may not have sworn at me, I couldn't be sure.)  He pulls up past me and I notice his license plate. Florida.  An old man from Florida with poor merging skills just told ME to learn how to drive.  Nice.

Thing is, I am a pretty damn good driver. (The Mr's eyebrows just may have raised a fraction of an inch.) But it's true.  Yes, I have a bit of a heavy foot at times, I can admit that.  All in all, however, I know the rules of the road and I follow them.  Okay! Yes, I pass on the right occasionally - I'm not claiming to be a perfect driver.  I just don't do all the stupid shit everybody else seems to do.  Now I do live in New England, and we have *ahem* something of a reputation as crappy drivers.  And I'm here to tell you, it's true.  People here do not use their turn signals.  They do not seem to have any idea who goes first when you meet at a four way stop sign.  They pull out halfway into the street in the hopes that someone will stop and let them go. They drive the speed limit in the passing lane. (Hence the need to pass on the right.) Makes me crazy! 

And even though I don't mind driving and often enjoy it (as opposed to being a passenger), I would still be the first one to sign up to have a teleportation device set up in my house.  You know?  To have the power to "I Dream of Genie" my way out of one place and be in another?  I would SO make that my wish if I had the opportunity.  Not to have to deal with the pain in the ass New England, (and/or Florida) drivers, not to sit in traffic for no discernable reason, or worse for the eight miles of construction going on at rush hour.  Not to have to wait for the car to heat up in winter, or cool down in summer.  Just a quick double blink and I'm gone. 

That would be so cool.  I also think it would cut down on my stress levels quite a bit.  Since I might have a wee bit of that road rage thing the people talk about.  Although I wouldn't necessarily label it as "rage," more like a frustrated anger.  Which I realized recently is not such a great thing to have with kids who are old enough to understand everything I am saying.  The other day I'm in the car with Wonderboy and the Pixie sitting at a stop light.  The light changes but the car in front of us doesn't move for a moment.  Then I hear WB from the back seat, "Come ON, lady!  GO!"  Oops. 

So yeah, I'm down for the teleportation, apparate spell or whatever it takes.  Anything to keep my kids from developing a swearing habit - and keeps old men from Florida from swearing at me.

14 comments:

minivan soapbox said...

I'm a control freak when it comes to driving...I have to drive. I'm convinced if anyone else does I'm gonna die. Unless I've had a drink...Then I don't care :) But I donate to the worm hole idea, as long as I get a BETA at my house.

Zip n Tizzy said...

Me too. On the I need to be the driver, and I'd teleport if possible. My kids think that the drivers seat is mom's seat and the passenger's is dad's even though they've been driven plenty by Brad.

I know the reputation of NE drivers, but I'm getting the feeling everywhere has bad drivers now. It didn't used to be so bad here, but with cell phones, it feels like the highway is the roller derby.

Oh, and my car was spit on by a guy I honked lightly to, not to tell him to move, but because he was about to crash into me while changing lanes.

Good times!

for a different kind of girl said...

I do a lot of this when I drive:

(picture the scene - Me, in my minivan, obeying any and all traffic rules. Drivers all around me, oblivious) "Um...HELLO?!"

Yes, I say a curious hello to motorists who are doing wrong on the road, especially if they are attempting to stop for a red light 8 days before it is actually going to turn red, or take a turn at a stop sign that clearly isn't meant for them. I think "Um...HELLO?!" is a universal traffic rule!

Speaking of stop signs, there's a FIVE WAY stop just up the street from my house. The chaos!! People lose their mind at that thing. It's as if all knowledge of traffic etiquette and the law seeps from their brains and out of their ears (which could cause hydroplaning if such a thing *actually* happened, and that's a whole other ball of wax - which, heh, would also cause more hydroplaning...)(OK...I'll stop)(and I'd let you go first if you stopped before me)(seriously now...)

;)

The Queen said...

My Grandmother once yelled at Grandpa for his driving in Fl.(they lived there in the winter) He slammed on his brakes in the middle of interstate.. and finished the fight with her about her back seat driving... she never did it again..

Tiny Dancer said...

Wow, you have nailed the characteristics of New England drivers! I learned to drive in LA and honestly, the drivers there are not as bad as one would think. They know how to merge and who goes first at a 4-way stop and they certainly do not go the speed limit in the fast lane (but maybe that's another rant!). I live in NE now and sometimes feel there are rules everyone else knows -- but me.

I've wanted teleportation since I saw my first Star Trek. Maybe the more people believe in the possibility, the sooner it will be made a reality!

bernthis said...

you get that little telepor whatever and I swear, being a person who lives in L.A. I will be anything you want for it.

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

I used to think that flying would be my superpower, but then you I guess you could potentially run into sky hazards with geese. Teleportation is a much safer way to travel.

Captain Dumbass said...

"Daddy, is that guy a 'Princess?'" Heh heh. The suburb I live in is like a black hole of driving skills. It's like you leave the normal world of driving and you're suddenly in Manila or Mexico City.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh - the imitation can be such a wake up call. George recently tossed out an "oh fuck!" from the back seat one day. I just glared at my husband. But then Eleanor fell and said "GEE-sus" last week. That would be shame on me...

I'm an okay driver. A little slow. Which makes my speeding tickets extra galling.

The Stiletto Mom said...

I need one of those, I hate to drive and I really hate being a passenger when my husband drives...he is a MAJOR tailgater. If you could invent one of those and let me know, you'd be saving me some gray hair!

Laggin said...

Call me: She-Who-Detesest-The-Drive.

msprimadonna67 said...

Apparate spells. Yup, I'm down with that. (By the way, I consider myself a pretty good driver most of the time. However, I'm awful about the use of a turn signal--awful. It drives my hubby beyond crazy, but I think he's finally accepted it as a charming little quirk of mine.)

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