Monday, August 24, 2009

"I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?"

Oh, sense of humor...where have you gone?  Okay, not really.  I know my sense of humor is intact.  I can be funny, I crack people up sometimes.  But that kind of funny is not what I am referring to.  What I seem to have lost is my sense of fun

You see, I am not the Fun Parent.  Not only am I not the Fun Parent, I find I am often the Shrill, Snappy Parent.  I'm not sure how I got here.  Yes, I harp on my kids about their manners, but so does the Mr. - we're equal opportunity that way.  Yes, okay - I am the stricter of the two, and I do tend to be the one who will actually stress about their behavior.  I don't necessarily have a problem with that;  it's the fact that I can't seem to just let go when it's a time where those things don't really matter. 

If we're all just hanging out at home, isn't it kind of funny when Wonderboy pretends to fall out of his chair for the twelfth time?   Or when the Mr. puts a napkin on his head and pretends he can't see the kids?  Or when we're having dinner and the Pixie, whose three, laughs so hard she lets out Man Size Burps?  (Actually, that's not a good example because that is ALWAYS hilarious.) 

Now I do have my particular issues with the Mr. and how he gets the kids riled up before putting them to bed.  I'm all for them playing around and tickling and all that - but I do think some hours of the day are better then others for that stuff.  But even when it's the middle of the day I find myself getting grouchy about it instead of jumping into the fray.  When the six year old asks, "Are you cranky?" I think it might be time to take a good hard look at why I've become such a Debbie Downer.  I had to bring my kids to work with me today (which I hugely appreciate being able to do), my boss was getting ready to leave and asked Wonderboy if I was as grouchy at home as I was at work. WTF?  Here I am worrying all day about the kids bothering someone and I get scolded for being grouchy!  And this from a bonafide grouch!  Jeebus.

I don't have an answer to the question right now.  But I'm aware of it and I think that's part of changing the behavior.  Honestly, I know I'm not going to suddenly become one of those crafty/game-playing/super imaginative parents. That's just not me.  However, I think I can start to try to ease up and relax a little bit.  I remember both of my parents as being fun.  Sure, my Dad played the role the Mr. is now - the tickling and wrestling and being silly - but my Mom was fun in her own way.  I think I just need to find my way, and try not to let the rest of daily life make me forget how to make my kids laugh.  Because I do realize how incredibly important that sound is to my own happiness.



(10 coolness points for the first person who comments on where the title quote comes from)

17 comments:

Susan said...

I am the most fun person in this house. Except to my kids.

Poor little things.

minivan soapbox said...

Well first....Goodfellas.

Second. My first question is this....As the mom, are you responsible for everything in the house? Like cleaning, bills, laundry, school, schedule, etc? Because I really HONESTLY think that it's SO hard at the end of the day to just be FUN when our brains our so freakin' filled with all the shit that we have to do - but still be sexy for the man, and fun and cool for the kids too.. You know?

However. In MY house. My husband (and it's good thing he does not read blogs) is a freakin' drag. You should hear him read a story....So, I'm covering all bases here. Give yourself a break...Your kids are going to appreciate what you do regardless.

Captain Dumbass said...

In our house I'm generally good cop and bad cop while wife runs the stable middle ground. There's nothing worse than getting to the end of the day feeling like all you've done is yelled at the kids.

Where's my bat?

Captain Dumbass said...

In our house I'm generally good cop and bad cop while wife runs the stable middle ground. There's nothing worse than getting to the end of the day feeling like all you've done is yelled at the kids.

Where's my bat?

bernthis said...

I'm sorry but being a mom is hard and often we are the ones doing a lot of the work ie: we are exhausted and it is hard to be the clown when you just want to fall on your face and sleep.

I hear this same story from a lot of my friends. You are not alone.

Zip n Tizzy said...

My favorite is when I make the kids laugh really hard, and then yell at them for making too much noise.

Really- I get it. It's a juggling act and a hard one, and sometimes we just get in a loop. You're doing a lot, working and momming and wifeing.

It's work. All of it.

Christy said...

I think your kids probably already think of you as fun! Don't let that one comment get you down too much -- I think you're super cool!

Laggin said...

Um. Yeah. I get what you're saying. And our problem is that Car-man is almost NO FUN at all, when it comes to the girls. He was when they were little but as soon as they hit about 5th grade, unless an event involves sports, he's not "involved". Sure, he'll drive them places and attend obligatory events but he doesn't add a sense of fun. *sigh*

I always try to ask myself whether I will care about an event in a week and try to pick battles that way. I also try to teach the phrase "appropriate", as in "that was really funny but now it's crossing the line into inappropriate behavior and I need it to end". I don't know that it worked because Younger has the worst table manners in the friggin universe, but it made ME feel better. :)

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Whoa. I was here before, but I just found your email in my spam box and now I'm back and figuring it all out. I'm kinda slow.

and HI!!

Carolyn...Online said...

It's easier to be funny with them when they get older. Seriously. Because pretending that they can't see you? And burping? Not that funny. But then they get older and their sense of humor starts to make more sense to your sense of humor and voila! you are a fun person.

But they need a grouchy mom right now and sadly that's your job.

Carolyn...Online said...

It's me again. It doesn't matter that I was busy with school or birthdays or building whatever I'm sorry I was so late to get here!!!!

Laggin said...

Knock, knock.

Landshark.

Of course I got it! I use it my kids and they roll their eyes and call me old.

Heather said...

Now that I'm home and hanging out with other SAHMs, I see that I am more of the easy-going parent. The other day we were on a play date, and my son threw his friend's horse shoe from his new horse shoe game set? And the other mom told my son not to throw it because he might break it. Ummm....ever played a game of horse shoes? Weird.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

I totally feel the same way lately! I used to be so much fun with the kids all the time, and the past few months, I have a hard time smiling, nevermind goofing off with them and being silly. I realize that all I do all day is reprimand them and get frustrated, but I am under SO much stress right now that I just think I can't let go of it. I have been trying really hard to make time each day to be laid back and have "fun" with the kids, and I think that is the best I can do right now. I think as life eases up a bit, more of the "old fun me" will return. And for you, now that you are aware that you are being a little too uptight, you will make more of an effort as well. A Mom's job is SO incredibly hard, the hardest in the world!

mel carroll said...

I used to be fun, really. I've had friends say remember that one party when you were so funny? Says it all, cuz I haven't been funny, felt funny or laughed at much besides the comedy channel late at night alone in ages. Where did the fun go? Probably where the summer went and my babies went, for they are bigger than me now and almost as smart. They're funny, if they let me see, which isn't often enough with the teen species....
Good luck, and admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery :) I always hope that knowing what is happening is slightly better than being clueless, at least I still try to find my way back to the fun. Life can suck the fun out of life sometimes!

for a different kind of girl said...

I'm sometimes surprised to note how quickly I can morph from the quickly from one brand of parent to the other (like right this very second because my husband is in the process of getting them wound up and I was just...this...close...to not having wound up children...so, yep...). Anyway, I also agree that it can get easier when the kids are a bit older. What doesn't get easier? Having someone call you on the being grumpy. That just makes me feel more grumpy.

This comment is making no sense. I have totally lost my train of thought with the winding up going on around here!

lisa said...

I think we're all in the same situation. I use up all my patience and energy during the day that after school or at night, the only thing I want to do is nothing. It's true, when your kids get older, they just want to hang with you and don't have to be entertained as much.